>Not That Wife

>(This post was published on March 19, 2008, so the mentioned events are not recent. Still, this has always been one of my favorite posts even though my weaknesses are accented greatly.)

Earlier this week, during a phone conversation with my soul sister Jaime, I giddily recounted several falling in love with The Professor stories. The backdrop for the tales was painted more than nine years ago. Colors representing excitement, adventure, love, passion, yearning, searching, and expectation splattered the canvass of our love story adding texture to the abstract illustration.

While enrolled in premarital counseling class a pastor shared a story about a young couple struck by tragedy only weeks after their “I do’s” were spoken. A car accident rendered the husband paralyzed from waist to toe. The resolve of the young wife to honor and love the man she married never wavered. She nurtured him without complaint and worked both inside and outside their home. The pastor smiled as he announced that the couple would soon be celebrating 35 years of marriage and that the husband tirelessly bestowed praise on the wife of his youth who was a living example of platinum strength agape love. After hearing that touching tribute I thought “I will be that wife.”

Fast-forward nine years. I am not that wife. Boy those are tough words to type.

Tears swamped my jaded eyes only 12 hours after Jaime and I talked. My tears were not watery symbols of anger or displeasure with The Professor. Instead they were tears of self disappointment and failure. Three weeks ago the professor underwent extensive back surgery. The healing process crawls forward at a leisurely pace and although physical nerves are repaired emotional ones are, at best, frayed. I’m not that wife.

My exhaustion gets the best of me and ignoring James 5:9 I sometimes grumble. Sometimes I search for accolades. Sometimes I pout. And to make it worse my grumbling, pouting, and self-praise digging are not kept private. I flaunt them in front of The Professor, because I’m not that wife.

I’ve been a resident in my own “Perfectionists Anonymous” rehab center long enough to know that this thought process can be the first falling domino in a long line of self destructive behavior. Lamenting that I am not that wife, who by the way happens to be a women whom I have never met, hinders me from being the wife that God intends me to be to my husband.

I’m blessed that a forgiving heart beats in the chest of my Professor because I’m not perfect. Nor will I be. I’m the wife who makes mistakes that surpass burning toast and losing car keys. I’m the wife who gets angry, tired, and lonely.

I am also the wife who learns, albeit slowly, from her mistakes. I am the wife with a repentant heart. A heart that yearns to love as Christ loves and to forgive as Christ forgave. I am the wife who knows that her marriage is worth fighting for even if it means pummeling her own selfishness. I am the wife who is humbled so that her Father can be glorified. I am the wife who keeps trying, the wife who is driven to her knees beseeching assistance from the Perfect One. I am the wife who knows that only Christ can give her that platinum strength agape love she desires to give to the man who taught her that love is a choice.

Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity. Colossians 3:12-14, NIV.


30 thoughts on “>Not That Wife

  1. >I am certainly not that wife either. My husband had a minor surgery on Monday and he’s practically been forgotten in the bedroom as I try to deal with the day to day and the kids. The poor guy is in pain and I feel like I don’t have “time”. 😦

    Like

  2. >awesome post…btw… that wife.. well she has skeletons too… as Paul put it..”a thorn in her flesh”.. trust me.. we all do..people think I am this perfect person.. and I want to say… dear lord.. if you only knew my weaknesses.. and how well I hide things under the rug…Galations 2:21… I live by…Thank you for visiting Laced W GraceConnie

    Like

  3. >OH my!! I have not been that wife. Want to, but consistently fail in this area. AND my husband is about to have major back surgery. Since Feb.3rd when the pain became intense for him…24/7 my patience has been zero. OH, thank you so much for this post. It’s great!Glad you’re joining the YES to GOD blog study with us! I’m excited to see what God is going to do in our lives.Blessings~Lelia

    Like

  4. >Great piece Ang!!Yeah, the perfect wife doesn’t exist – and if she did – I bet she would have uncontrollable foot odor or something horrid like that!!! LOLWe all have negative feelings – it is our fleshly response. You try to quickly diminish those and convert them into strength – aye, that’s the rub!!

    Like

  5. >Thank you for that post. You are so humble and real. What a relief!I appreciate your transparency and desire to continually become the woman (wife, mother, daughter, friend) that God designed you to be.Great Post!Jaime

    Like

  6. >I appreciate your honesty. My husband was injured over a year ago in Iraq and has been unable to drive, work, or do much else for most of the time. It is sooo hard to live this out with joy, although that is my goal, I fail everyday.My husband just had another surgery and I am spending today running up and down the stairs bringing him things, while taking care of six kids downstairs… I am struggling today for sure!

    Like

  7. >What a beautiful and honest post! From one struggling perfectionist to another- if we were perfect, we wouldn’t need Christ. If we were perfect we could parade around and say how wonderful ‘we’ are. He wants us dependant on Him. Even with our flaws He does not push us away- but calls us to come to Him.Thanks for sharing your heart!In Christ, Chanin

    Like

  8. >What a great, heartfelt post. I bet even “that wife” had her moments. We’re all human, so we all have our moments. The fact that you realize it and strive to do better is wonderful, but cut yourself a little slack… it sounds like the Professor is pretty lucky. Smiles!

    Like

  9. >My husband said one time while he was sick…”you are not very sympathetic”…I said that is why I am not a nurse. I am not that wife either, but I am certainly a work in progress. My husband IS that husband. Truly

    Like

  10. >Well I’m sure the pastor left out little tidbits in that story and I’m sure that wife wasn’t always picture perfect. We all can strive to be the best we can and if we fall, the point is to GET BACK UP!Your husband appears to dearly love YOU, even if you aren’t that wife!

    Like

  11. >What a fabulous post. I will be reminding myself of it in the days to come! I especially liked this part: “Lamenting that I am not that wife, who by the way happens to be a women whom I have never met, hinders me from being the wife that God intends me to be to my husband.” Thanks for visiting over at my blog. I will be back here!

    Like

  12. >Hello!I’m so sorry to hear about your husband’s job. I will seriously keep you in my prayers. This was no surprise to the Father, so just lean hard on Him during this trying time. Join us when you can, don’t worry about unsubscribing, as that is just a way to get more traffic to your blog. Join us when you are able or just need to read some encouraging words from fellow sisters in Christ! Never know what God will speak to your heart.Blessings my friend,Lelia

    Like

  13. >Wow. I don’t know if I am ‘that wife’ either. I am certain, however, that the wife in the pastor’s story must have had a bigger story to tell. Was she real? Was it merely a great story to be used in pre-marital counselling?? It sounds as that you are a better wife than ‘that wife’; not doing it in your own strength and leaning on God.Thanks for sharing. This was a really great post. (This is my first time to your blog.)

    Like

  14. >Oh yes, I am certainly not ‘that’ wife either… I find that I have less sympathy than I should for my hubby whenever he is sick. I try, but it’s good to remember that none of us are perfect.Thank you for visiting and commenting on my site! 🙂

    Like

  15. >Ouch. I am humbled and so convicted by the honesty in your beautiful post. I SO want to be THAT wife, but boy do I fall short. Less than an hour ago, I came home from a very rough day at work to my hubby who stayed home sick. I really wanted to swallow all that had gone wrong today and be the sweet servant wife, but the lump in my selfish throat wouldn’t let me. Although I did first ask him (in the sweetest possible way) how he was doing and if there was anything he needed. When he said no and asked about my day…did I smile and say something kind like “Oh hon, it’s so much better now that I’m home with you!” Sadly, no. Instead, I launched into the whole ugly story about my day. I’m feelin’ pretty selfish right about now. Thanks for the needed wake-up call. Forgive me Lord. Blessings, Tracy

    Like

  16. >”I am the wife who knows that only Christ can give her that platinum strength agape love she desires to give to the man who taught her that love is a choice.”What lovely words and a very encouraging post for me. And, may I just say…my name is Gretchen, and I’m a recovering perfectionist. 😉

    Like

  17. >Ps. and BTW, I’ve been there re: the back surgery thing. It’s not fun. Be kind to yourself, too. If your pot isn’t full, you can’t pour out love on others. My husband had 1 back surg. 6 years ago and one 15 years ago. Neither fun, but thanks to God, both helped out quite a bit.

    Like

  18. >Well, I am a professor’s wife, too but I am not “that wife” either. I’m really pathetic as a caregiver when my husband is sick. I think I just get so overwhelmed of all the care taking on a normal day with two little ones, that I’m like, “For real? You, too?”To make matters worse he is wonderful to me when I am sick, so I’m really trying to work on that.Beautiful post!

    Like

  19. >I’m definitley not that wife either. But really- it’s hard for me to believe that anyone really is that wife. We’re only human and we do our best.

    Like

  20. >This post has blessed me so much today. I wrote a post in January called “Any Woman” and tried to say some of the same things. But you really nailed it here. Thank you for your sweet honesty. I so needed to hear this today. Blessings to you,Darnelle

    Like

Comments are closed.