Determined to taunt me, disappointment slyly crept into my personal space several times during the past few days. In the grand scheme of my life, these events didn’t shake any mountains, but they rattled a few nerves and poked several tender spots.
The Professor still has not received a solid job offer for the fall and will be away for several weeks at a time this summer. The artist who promised to illustrate the book I wrote for PapPap suddenly backed away from his commitment to the project. My little Pickle had pneumonia. And, I feel that my writing is failing to resonate and connect with my readers. My blog has lost some subscribers leaving me with a twinge of discomfort.
I weathered worse storms. In fact all of the above combined don’t even qualify as much more than a fleeting rain shower. But still, my heart aches. It’s a dull ache. Not piercing and not one that will last for more than a few days, but it exists.
Always a woman of action, I see a few possibilities to deal with this melancholy malady.
- I can label myself a “whiney baby” and stuff the emotions deep within; and convince myself that I have no right to feel letdown. After all, there are people who are hurting much deeper than I.
- I can invite the displeasure to stay and embark on a full scale pity party. I’ve planned those before. In fact if there were money to be made by throwing self-commiserating soirées The Professor wouldn’t need a job. We’d be sitting pretty in Beverly Hills with the dough I’d rake in.
- I can take my wounded pride, prickled heart, and hemmed spirit to My Father. I can simply say, “I hurt. Please hold me.” Or I can remain silent, allowing Him to read my yielded soul.
Why the first two often seem the easiest to me is an unknown. They are so ugly, especially in comparison to reaching a shaky arm toward my Savior, allowing His steady hand to grip mine.
I’m choosing option three. And after waiting silently for a few moments of being enveloped in the arms of the King Eternal, I’m going to ask Him for guidance and for truth. I won’t forsake my feelings, but I won’t allow them to lead me astray. I’m going to give them to the One who has felt them firsthand and who knows what needs to be done. And then I will rest. Rest in knowing that someday, when the time is right, beauty will grow among the thorns.
God keeps an eye on his friends, his ears pick up every moan and groan. God won’t put up with rebels; he’ll cull them from the pack. Is anyone crying for help? God is listening, ready to rescue you. Psalm 34:15-17 (The Message)