>It’s Never Been Fair

>(This was originally posted one year ago today as a 9th anniversary gift to my husband. I changed the 9 to a ten for the repost.)

All is fair in love and war…or so goes the old saying that traces back to John Lyly’s Euphues written in 1578. For centuries, the adage has granted individuals the right to cheat on the battlefields of both ground and heart.

Ironically, any solider who has fought for his country will tell you that there is nothing fair about war. No matter the reasons for entering a fight, terror and ugliness abound savagely. But I’ll leave the subject of war for other writers to discuss. Love is the impetus of my current thoughts.

Contrary to Lyly’s famous line, the only commonality that I know exist between love and war is that neither is fair. Yet, unlike war, it is the unfairness component of love that can add unfathomable beauty.

Love, in its purist, sacrificial form has never been fair. As God sculpted Adam from the fresh earth, He knew that His most glorious creation would break His heart. Yet still, God breathed man to life. It was not fair, but the beauty cannot be denied.

When the world knew only darkness and despair, God sent hope in the form of His son, Jesus Christ. The sinless man and true embodiment of love was scorned, spat upon, rejected, beaten, and killed by a method that glorified cruelty as sport. The image of my sweet Savior nailed to a brutal cross swells a lump in my throat. It was the greatest atrocity committed by mankind, one in which I bear some of the blame. It. Was. Not. Fair. But the beauty, the stunning, breath stealing beauty, cannot be denied.

Ten years ago today, my mother and sisters helped me step into a white gown and placed a bouquet of pink roses into my unsteady hands. Pachabel’s Cannon played as my dad and PapPap guided me down the aisle to my Professor. As we exchanged vows, pieces of cake, and many kisses, delusions of fairness occupied space in my mind.

It took me less than two weeks to learn that our marriage was not going to be fair. Fifty-fifty? Equal give-and-take? Those are just good-intentioned, but flawed concepts. Our marriage, just one year shy of a decade, experienced illnesses that rattled our faith, emotional pain that rammed us to our knees, and losses that ransacked our haven. Our marriage is not fair, but its beauty cannot be denied.

Arms open to embrace one in need of forgiveness…beautiful. Fingers entwined as a new life swallows her first gulps of air…beautiful. Tears cried for the one who aches…beautiful. Hands steadying the one whose body is ravaged my pain…beautiful. Laughter echoing throughout corridors…beautiful. Feet that stumble as they walk a rugged path, but also glide as they dance…beautiful. Lips that touch softly as evidence to both passion and commitment…beautiful.

Love. Unbridled, agape love, a love that is taught by its Creator, is not fair. I don’t think it was designed to be fair. But its glorious beauty cannot be denied.

Happy anniversary my Professor. Thank you for choosing to love this flawed, undeserving woman. Your face is handsome, but your heart is beautiful.

Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. I Corinthians 13:4-7 (New American Standard Bible).

57 thoughts on “>It’s Never Been Fair

  1. >Oh, this is soooo good, Angela. I’ve commented and deleted and commented and deleted. I think I will leave you with a simple, “happy anniversary”, and thank you for making my morning.


  2. >Ummm… I love that from the NASB… many blessings to you and yours on this special occasion. I do hope you are showered with God’s blessings!!Amandahttp://iammommy.typepad.com


  3. >This post brought tears to my eyes. You are such a talented, insightful writer! I’m humbled and conmvicted by your testimony as I realize I have been trying to deny the beauty in my own marriage. Thank you.Please visit Shore’s End for an important announcement and prayer request.


  4. >You’ve taken some deep and sometimes hard to accept truths and woven beauty into them with your words. I love reading your posts, your thoughts are like poetry! Praise God for what He can do through sinners such as you and me.


  5. >Happy Anniversary! That was an absolutely beautiful post. (Stop by my blog next week for MY take the 9 year anniversary…my hubby and I got married just a week after you!)


  6. >And a very happy anniversary to you both from the UK as well!Your comments about war reminded me of the graveyards in France (just over the Channel, I live on the South Coast of the UK) I visit almost yearly as a pilgrim. So very many of our young men and woman are there and they also gave their lives that we might live and love. I do not doubt that via your words those who rest on Juno, Sword and the others also know, like Him, that their sacrifice was certainly not in vain.Here is to the next nine years!


  7. >Congratulations on your anniversary! This is a lovely post honoring your husband and marriage. I love this quote “Your face is handsome, but your heart is beautiful.”


  8. >Happy Anniversary! Such eloquent words spoken (or typed rather)by such a beautiful person! I enjoyed visiting your blog! Thanks for stopping by mine! *wink


  9. >What a beautiful tribute – not just to your husband, but to the author of love – perfect, unfair, beautiful love.We share an anniversary – mine was 14 years ago. Happy anniversary to you!


  10. >Beautiful post and Happy Anniversary. I will celebrate my 21st this Friday. And you’re right…”it’s not always fair”. I love the new song that says, “Love’s not a fight, but it’s something worth fighting for.” 🙂 Susan


  11. >Yeah… life on earth is actually unfair, but I agree when you wrote that it makes the beauty in love… and i say, in life in general. Happy Anniversary. You look lovelier together at the pic on your header! 🙂 Lovely family. More years to come! Shalom!:)


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