Hi, my name is Angela and I’ve got issues. I sicken myself recounting the legion of moments I’ve spent ranking the attainment of my wants as top priority. I’m also fiercely stubborn. I concoct a plan and tattoo it to my consciousness. These two issues are tented under an even larger one…pride. Anyone else struggle with this beast of a vice?
Pride comes in many forms and commits many atrocities. One crime is theft. First and foremost, when I am prideful I am stealing from God. I’m taking credit for what He has done. Recently, my pride in the form of wanting more for me, has stolen from my family as well. It’s robbed them of my time and compassion.
When I started this blog I pledged transparency, so I’m going to keep my word, but please know, these are painful words to write. In fact, you may not like me after you read them…Contrary to my mission statement; I’ve been spending quite a bit of time consumed with building my readership. The seed was planted in innocence (my blog is a ministry and I want to touch the lives of others—that’s a good thing), but morphed into selfishness (I got grumpy whenever my blog rating dropped—not so good of a thing). In short, my priorities were jumbled.
Please do not misunderstand…I don’t find fault in anyone who is trying to grow a blog, or business. Those are wonderful things. But I whole-heartedly believe that in order my top three priorities need to be
- My husband and children,
- Giving to others
Recently, Angie from Seven Clown Circus asked me how many hours a day I spend studying scripture. Gulp. I don’t know what the average is, but I do know that I have not been spending time studying God’s word on a daily basis.
I also know that I have not been treating my family as my most important ministry. While I’m not neglecting them by writing this blog, I am spending more time than I should be trying to “grow” this blog.
All that written, Becoming Me won’t change much. I am going to take down my blog rating feature because it causes me to obsess; and my comment count may decrease because I won’t be able to comment as much on the blogs of others. And let me just say…that hurts because I love to comment…giving comments honestly makes me happier than receiving comments. But I will still be able to respond to comments and personal e-mails.
In short, the blog won’t change, but hopefully I will. I have not been very obedient in my daily walk with God. But, by His grace and His faithfulness…I’m going to submit my selfish and stubborn pride to His will and allow Him to reap the glory.
So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. Matthew 6:31-35 NIV