When our oldest daughter was a toddler, she had this special gift of going blind. If she were to get in trouble, she would simply, shut her eyes. In the midst of being reprimanded, she would peaceably close her eyes. Expressionless, she would take on a meditative stance. It would make my husband crazy.
To add to the mayhem of parenting Maggie, if she were caught in the act of “badness” she would yelp, “Don’t see me!” For example, I walked in and caught her coloring on the wall. She pointed her chubby pre-school finger at me and said, “Don’t see me!” And when that didn’t work, she closed her eyes and went to her “happy place.”
The mystery of sight and perception in children is both humorous and alarming. Of course, Maggie was way past Jean Piaget’s stage of Object Permanence, which would have taken place at about 9 months of age. Piaget, a Swiss psychologist, was responsible for Piaget’s Theory of Cognitive Development. The theory was based on the evidence that a baby develops in stages of understanding. It stemmed from the belief that cognitive development was progressive. That a child grows in their understanding of their world based on experience. At a young age a child hides his head under a blanket, in his youth he believes he has disappeared, clueless you can still see the rest of him. According to Piaget, experience would reveal to the child that out of sight doesn’t mean non-existent. Yes, away from peek-a-boo, Maggie, who was nearly three, was simply in denial.
It occurs to me, as silly as this seemed… I am no different.
And I certainly am waaaay beyond the stage of development where I function in “out of sight out of existence.” Peek-a-boo makes no sense in a 44-year-old woman.
Still, I play.
I close my eyes and meditate when I know I am sinning. I pretend… I watch television, or read, I don’t want to change. I don’t want to hear the words: “Jami, this is wrong.”
With the voice of the Spirit drowned out sometimes, I get caught in the act. And my reaction: “Don’t see me!”
My spirit’s eyes, my conscious, do not fall for my games. The eyes of my heart don’t want to disappoint my God. Changing the draw of my heart away from my folly and greed is a greater feat than pretending all is well, as long as I don’t look. Alas, I can stick my head under the couch, with my full bare bum sticking out like a silly baby, still He sees me.
I would like to believe that my behavior could not disprove the great mind and life work of Jean Piaget.
I would love to know that I would learn from experiences, that I would progress.
I would love to see with fresh eyes, that to stay in the dark, to embrace the nonsense of closing my eyes to the truth, written on my soul… written in the Redeemers blood, would be to live a stagnant, immature, and life-draining existence.
He sees me.
He knows me.
He discerns my tricks.
He recognizes the game.
And so I pray, “Give me Your eyes Lord. Pour out a fresh vision of what this sin looks like to You… You, who died to save me from my drivel. Pry open that which I intend to keep slammed shut. Remove the scales from my eyes and let me bask in the glory of your truth. Let me do so without shade or reprieve. Let only light attack my pupils and warm my eyelids. Drench me in the purity of Your holiness – let it heat my face, tint my cheeks, and fill me up with the grandness of truth. See me. And let me see You.” Amen
May your floors be sticky and your calling ordained. Love, Jami
1 Samuel 12:16
Now then, stand still and see this great thing the LORD is about to do before your eyes!
Dearest Angela, thank you for having me today on your blog. I am honored. Your words encourage and bless. Embrace the rest, the recovery, and the peaceable place of being lead by Jesus Christ. You are loved, admired, and needed. Love, Jami
Jami and her husband Justin live in Abilene, Texas with their (currently) seven children. Their children range in age from 21 to 6 months. They active in the foster care program. Together they own a 640-acre ranch and they love to travel, wander, cook, and have a house full of college kids over for Sunday lunch. Jami has a Bachelor of Science degree in Family and Consumer Sciences from Abilene Christian University. Her graduate degree is in Education, Counseling, and Human Development from Hardin-Simmons University. Jami loves to speak, write, and participates in respite foster care. Her first manuscript Sacred Ground, Sticky Floors inspired the name of her blog. You can find more of Jami and the lunacy she embraces in the pursuit of Jesus at http://sacredgroundstickyfloors.com or on Facebook or Twitter!