I have to tell you up front that I’m rather average. And on most days, I’m okay with that fact.
I’m the short girl who blends into the crowd … not glamorous … not boisterous … just there. Let me put it this way, I am the “solid” best friend or older sister that you see (but may not remember) in every romantic comedy.
I’m the girl who smiles wide, talks too fast, loses her train of thought mid-sentence and plants flowers that she forgets to water. I’m the girl who would invite you over for coffee and cupcakes, throw a pile of clutter into a closet five-minutes before you arrive; and then greet you at the door sporting messy hair and mismatched socks.
I’m the girl who tries so darn hard … but messes up anyway … and often.
I’m the girl who once believed that she was just a mistake made by two teenagers more than three decades ago. The girl who hated what her mirror reflected. The girl who accepted lies as truth and wore an invisible < on her shirt. It evokes no wonder that I also was the fairy-princess of the masquerade ball … the composed one with a fake smile.
Six years ago, while pregnant with my son and shackled by anxiety and despair that comes with a perinatal mood disorder, I began the journey of becoming … of learning about who I am in the eyes of Jesus.
Through God’s grace, I became the girl who scrubbed off (and who has to continually scrub off) lies. I became the girl who wept honest tears the first time the words written in Psalm 139 truly penetrated her heart. I became the girl whose toes burned and legs shook as she accepted that she was womb-woven and wonderfully by the one who does not … who cannot … make mistakes.
And that’s why I write. I write to share where I was, where I am and where I am going. I write to tell other women that they are precious … beautiful … chosen … wanted … and needed. I write because I still mess up everyday. I write because I still struggle and by sharing those struggles I can count on my readers to do two things: 1) hold me accountable and 2) understand that they are not alone as they struggle.
Life, even with Jesus, is hard. And life, especially with Jesus, is unfathomably beautiful. I hope to keep my blog a real and safe place to share the pain, the loveliness and the average experiences that we all encounter.